Secrets and Saurians
by EvilBusinessWoman
Summary: Mallory's been keeping a little secret which becomes a big problem once the Saurians get their claws on it!


"Secrets and Saurians: They Always Come Back"

by Lissette

1Interior - The Arrowhead Pond's Garage

FADE IN to the interior of the Pond's garage where there is a scene similar to that of a garage sale; numerous boxes and objects are sprawled out around the Migrator. 

ENTER WILDWING and NOSEDIVE carrying two loads of boxes. GRIN and TANYA approach them. TANYA smiles and places her hands on her hips.

TANYA:Wow, 'all this the stuff you're donating for the auction?

NOSEDIVE:(sarcastically) No Tawnsters, Big Bro and I are just havin' one _mega _garage sale.

TANYA rolls her eyes.

WILDWING:(satisfaction) Looks like we have a nice little selection here for Phil's big charity auction, wouldn't you say, guys?

TANYA:Duh-uh, yeah! But don't you find it a little strange, Wildwing?

WILDWING:Why's that Tanya?

TANYA:Phil being so eager to organize a _charity_ auction that he won't profit one cent from! The whole thing sounds a bit fishy to me.

GRIN: Perhaps our Phil has had a spiritual epiphany and realized that there is a greater good in life besides the mighty dollar.

NOSEDIVE:Could be, Grinster. That or the celebrity guest list he has in store!

GRIN: (eyes widen) I wonder if "J. Lo" will be there.

ENTER PHIL.

PHIL: Babes, boobelas!

NOSEDIVE: What- no "boobies?"

PHIL: I see you you've decided to go with me on this little charity thing, eh?

WILDWING: Yes, Phil, we have. The Mighty Ducks are always open to help others in need.

NOSEDIVE: We're just a couple of philanthropin' fools.

TANYA: Deh, you got the "fool" part right.

NOSEDIVE scowls at TANYA.

PHIL: So, is this it? I wanna have everything ready and rollin' for the big night! (mumbles) So then the big _bucks_ can start rollin', heh heh.

WILDWING: I think Mallory wanted to donate some of her items too. Nosedive, go up to her bunk and bring them over.

NOSEDIVE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bro- what makes you think I'm gonna take some of _my_ precious time to trottle over to Mal's room and lug back her junk? She has two wings.

WILDWING: Move it.

NOSEDIVE: Right-O.

2Interior - Mallory's bedroom

CUT TO MALLORY'S bedroom. MALLORY, dressed in a long purple terrycloth robe, is blow-drying her hair before her dresser. 

CUT TO a foggy reflection of herself in the mirror.

NOSEDIVE (off-screen in girlish tone): Oh, Mal-Wee Baby!

MALLORY makes a face at NOSEDIVE'S voice.

NOSEDIVE: (off-screen) Yo, Mal! I'm here to pick up 'da goods!

MALLORY: Just a sec, Nosedive!

MALLORY shuts off the hair dryer and walks over to the door. She presses a button and allows NOSEDIVE in. 

NOSEDIVE: Hey Girly, Wing sent me over to get the- whoa! 

NOSEDIVE notices her morning mess of an un-made bed, tossed clothes, and beauty products sprawled about. 

NOSEDIVE (cont.): And you say that _my_ room looks like a disaster area?

MALLORY: Give me a break Dive, I just woke up. 

NOSEDIVE: Hah! "Just woke up?" 'Looks more like you planted explosives in Victoria's Secret!

NOSEDIVE holds up a skimpy pair of underwear. MALLORY quickly snatches it.

MALLORY: Give me that!

A high-pitched bell goes off.

MALLORY (cont.): Oh, those are my curlers! 

NOSEDIVE: Wait- where's the stuff you're donating to the auction?

MALLORY: Oh, right, right. (looks around and grabs a heavy box old clothing, hands it to Nosedive who seems to have more trouble carrying it than her) Here you go! Some poor chick's gonna look _real_ good this summer.

NOSEDIVE: You're all heart, Mal. Is there anything else?

MALLORY: Um, feel free to look around! I think I have a box of old hockey gear under my bed. 

NOSEDIVE: Will do, Girly-Girl! (mumbles) If I don't drown in the pile of clothes first...

MALLORY smiles and goes into her boudoir, closing the door behind her.

CLOSE-UP on NOSEDIVE from the opposite side of under MALLORY'S bed. He moves and shifts all sorts of objects that the female duck has hidden until he unearths a medium-sized purple keepsake box with a lock.

NOSEDIVE: Jackpot!

Enter MALLORY again.

MALLORY: (in curlers) Find what you need, Dive?

NOSEDIVE: Yep! I'm outta here! See ya!

NOSEDIVE dashes off.

3Interior - Arrowhead Pond's Garage

CUT TO the interior where WILDWING, TANYA, GRIN, and PHIL are packing the donated items into the Migrator. 

Enter NOSEDIVE.

WILDWING: 'Got Mallory's things, Dive?

NOSEDIVE: Right here, Bro! 

WILDWING: Great. Tanya, Grin, and I are gonna' go with Phil down to Beverly Hills to scope out the place for tonight's auction. You stay here and pack the items into the Migrator. 

WILDWING, TANYA, GRIN, and PHIL exit the garage.

WILDWING (off-screen): And be on the lookout for any trouble!

NOSEDIVE: (in a mocking-tone; packing the boxes into the Migrator) _And be on the lookout for any trouble._ Blah. Nosedive do _this_, Nosedive do _that_. One of these days _I'd_ like to boss Wing around, see how _he_ likes it! _Greg _never treated Peter or Bobby this way...

Enter MALLORY.

MALLORY: Talking to yourself is the first sign of lunacy, Nosedive. What are you doing? (places hands on her hips)

NOSEDIVE: Nada Mal-Mal, just packin' the stuff into the Migrator. 

NOSEDIVE lifts the purple box he found under MALLORY'S bed.

MALLORY eyes it.

MALLORY: (turns slowly at her heel) N-Nosedive, w-what's that?

NOSEDIVE: Huh? (looks down at the box) Oh, this? That's the box you told me to get from under your bed- _doy_.

MALLORY widely opens her eyes and lunges forward to grab it, NOSEDIVE doesn't let go.

MALLORY: No, it's not! Give me that!

NOSEDIVE: Mal, what are you talkin' about, you said-

The two ducks tug and pull on the box in opposite directions until the box, along with it's contents, soars out of their hands explodes allover the garage.

NOSEDIVE: Nice move, Girly-girl. Look what you did now!

MALLORY maniacly opens her eyes and begins to hurriedly collect the box's contents of loose papers and notes.

MALLORY: (gathering the fallen objects) Oh, shut up, Nosedive.

MALLORY looks around in desperation as if trying to find one specific thing. She then notices NOSEDIVE and realizes it's too late.

NOSEDIVE: What the-

NOSEDIVE gets up from the ground holding a makeshift scrapbook and MALLORY follows in suit.

MALLORY: Nosedive, give me that! (she attempts to snatch it)

NOSEDIVE: I do _not_ believe what I'm seeing!

NOSEDIVE breaks into a loud cackle.

MALLORY: Nosedive! (she attempts again)

NOSEDIVE: I just have one question for ya', Mal- is this for _real_!?

MALLORY finally snatches the scrapbook and turns over, deep red shade of embarrassment injecting her face. NOSEDIVE remains in the background laughing and oblivious to her feelings. 

MALLORY: Yuck it up, Nosedive.

NOSEDIVE'S laughter secedes.

NOSEDIVE: OK, Mal. I'll-I'll stop. (small bouts of chuckles escape him)

MALLORY rolls her eyes and begins to storm away, tightly clutching the book. NOSEDIVE goes after her.

NOSEDIVE: Hey, Mal- hey! Listen, I'm sorry. It's just, well, it's just... _damn_ funny! Ha, ha, ha!

MALLORY: (scoffs) Oh, grow up.

NOSEDIVE: Hey now, Miss Teen Queen, I'm not the one who spends _my_ free time creating a- (breaks into laughter and is unable to finish)

__

Sha-la-la-laaa...

CLOSE-UP of the scrapbook showing a healthy collection of cut-out pin-up photos and articles on _Duke L'Orange: Lucky Thirteen_.

NOSEDIVE (cont.): -Duke L'Orange _boy book_!

MALLORY bites her lip in frustration. 

MALLORY: Nosedive-

NOSEDIVE: I can't believe this- ha, ha, ha! Duke! Our Duke! Ha, ha, ha! (puts an arm around MALLORY'S shoulder) Tell me, Mal- did Ricky Martin just not do it for ya?

MALLORY: (furious brushing off his arm) Nosedive! It was _just_ an innocent little crush! And besides, that was years ago when we first arrived on Earth anyways. 

NOSEDIVE: But...but..._Duke_!?

MALLORY sighs.

MALLORY: I was young, lonely, and frankly, had _very _limited options.

NOSEDIVE: (insulted) Hey!

MALLORY: I just _briefly_ found him attractive- that's all.

NOSEDIVE: (pointing to the scrapbook) Well, according to that, Mal, you found him "mega-cute and a total hottie."

MALLORY: OK, _very_ attractive. But that was then! And if you ever break a word of this to _anyone_, _especially_ Duke, I'm gonna kick your ass so hard that your _grandmother's _gonna' feel it.

NOSEDIVE: Ouch.

MALLORY: Got it?

NOSEDIVE: Gotcha.

OFF-SCREEN footsteps are heard- DUKE'S. MALLORY'S face turns red as she fears NOSEDIVE and the two ducks struggle to hide the scrapbook into it's original box, MALLORY securely locking it.

NOSEDIVE: (stage whisper in a mocking tone) Like, Oh my God Mal, it's, it's-

MALLORY: Do you love your grandma, Nosedive?

NOSEDIVE: I'll shut up.

The two inconspicuously stand up, NOSEDIVE nonchalantly whistles.

Enter DUKE L'ORANGE.

MALLORY: (nervously swaying to and fro) Hey Duke!

NOSEDIVE: Yo.

DUKE: (swaggering in) Hello yourselves. You look a bit flushed, Sweetheart, you ok?

NOSEDIVE: She's just a little in-heat- I mean a little _hot_!

MALLORY elbows him.

MALLORY: (waving her hand in front of her face) Heh- this garage has a _real _bad AC system- remind me to tell Tanya about it!

DUKE walks around the garage inspecting the donated items while MALLORY and NOSEDIVE try to hide the purple box from his view.

DUKE: So, uh, what's goin' on here? Did Nosedive buy eBay out again?

MALLORY: Oh! We're collecting items for Phil's big charity auction tonight. Do you, uh, have anything you'd like to donate?

NOSEDIVE: (butting-in behind MALLORY) Perhaps a cute little thong?

MALLORY elbows him harder.

NOSEDIVE: (wheezing and clutching his belly) I'll shut up now.

DUKE: (observing one of the boxes) Believe it or not Nosedive, I do have an item such as the one you described in my possession. 

CLOSE-UP of DUKE.

DUKE (cont.): But it's currently in use. (grins)

__

Thong, thong, thong, thong, thong...

CLOSE-UP of MALLORY.

MALLORY: (to herself) Oh, Mylanta... 

DUKE: But you know, that charity thing sounds like a good idea, Kid. Put me down for a few things.

BIRDS-EYE VIEW of garage as the Drake-1 alarm suddenly goes off, sending bright red lights circling about the room. 

NOSEDIVE: Oh, great.

MALLORY: _Well_! 'Looks like we've got an emergency- _finally_. Let's go team!

MALLORY tosses the box to NOSEDIVE who in turns tosses it to the side. MALLORY, NOSEDIVE and DUKE rush off in the duckcycles.

CUT TO BLACK. 

4Interior - The Beverly Hills Resort and Casino

Puck break into the interior of the Beverly Hills Resort and Casino's lavish reception hall. WILDWING, TANYA, GRIN, and PHIL are scoping out the place for night's ceremony and discussing it with TONY ZAMBONI, the hotel's manager- a short, balding man with a thick mustache, an oversized pinstripe suit, and a heavy Italian accent.

TONY guides them throughout the room signaling out different spots explaining the course of events.

TONY: And right a'here is where we'll have the _fabulous _buffet dinner that you can a'sink your pretty little beaks into!

PHIL'S mouth waters.

GRIN: At least we get a free meal.

TONY: Oh, and come this a'way! (he guides them to the front center of the room) Right here is where your _fabulous _items will be displayed in a _fabulous _stage setting complete with _fabulous_ glass casing and gold engraving!

TANYA: Fabulous.

PHIL: And, uh, how much strain is this gonna be on the ol' checkbook, Mr. Zamboni?

TONY breaks into a loud cackle.

TONY: My friend, us here at the _fabulous _Beverly Hills Resort and Casino would never think of a'charging you, the wonderful Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, a cent to use our _fabulous _facilities!

PHIL: Fabulous!

WILDWING: I don't know Phil, this sounds a little odd.

TANYA: Umptyeah, I'd say so- _free_!?

TONY: Why, of course! All of our amenities are here for your convenience.

TONY smiles a wide grin and suspiciously looks towards the side at the window.

TONY: (somewhat nervously) Now, if you'll a'please come this a'way, I will show you to the most _fabulous _part of our resort- the pool!

Grudgingly pushes WILDWING, TANYA, GRIN, and PHIL towards the backdoor of the room, closing and locking it behind them once they reach the pool area.

TONY: Have a'fun- (TONY quickly morphs into the CHAMELEON and loses the Italian accent) suckers!

5Exterior - outside of the Beverly Hills Resort and Casino

CLOSE-UP on SEIGE and WRAITH suspiciously lurking on the side of the resort, unseen by anyone.

Enter the CHAMELEON.

CHAMELEON: Hey, you guys hurry up! I sent the Ducks out back but I dunno' how long they'll stay put! Did you plant the trap?

SEIGE: Sure thing! They won't know what hit 'em!

The CHAMELEON breaks into an evil cackle.

CHAMELEON: Beautiful! The boss is gonna be proud! At 9 p.m. sharp tonight, those repulsive Mighty Ducks- along with half of Tinseltown- are gonna be transported into the Raptor! 

SEIGE: Ooh, movie stars! (claps)

WRAITH: I wonder if J. Lo is going to be attending...?

The CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH sense MALLORY, NOSEDIVE, and DUKE approaching the resort.

CHAMELEON: C'mon, let's get outta here.

With a press of a button, the three villains disappear into thin air.

Enter MALLORY, NOSEDIVE, and DUKE in their duckcycles.

NOSEDIVE: So, uh, where's the big disturbance? Minus the wedgie these pants are giving me.

DUKE: Could be inside- let's go!

6Interior - The Beverly Hills Resort and Casino lobby

Enter MALLORY, NOSEDIVE, and DUKE defensively entering the premises, battle gear in hand.

NOSEDIVE: Have you guys noticed how there are never any humans around? I mean this is L.A., one of most populated cities in the country! You'd think-

MALLORY: Can it! They might be over there.

The three enter an adjacent corridor, leading to the pool, their weapons ready.

DUKE: Nobody here either. (puts away his saber) I say we go home, guys.

NOSEDIVE: (eyeing the pool) I say we return to our natural habitat! 

NOSEDIVE proceeds to race towards the backdoor leading to the pool and sees WILDWING, TANYA, GRIN, and PHIL on the opposite side.

NOSEDIVE: Whoa, it's Big Bro and the duckettes!

DUKE: Ey, what are they doin' there?

MALLORY: Let them in!

NOSEDIVE unlocks the door and lets the other teammates in.

DUKE: Catchin' some rays, eh, Wildwing?

WILDWING: (frantically) Did you guys see Tony Zamboni!?

NOSEDIVE: No, but we saw Tony Danza at Weiner World.

TANYA: Duh-uh, he just left and locked us out of the hotel!

DUKE: Tony Danza?

TANYA: Umpt- Tony Zamboni! He just disappeared!

MALLORY: That sounds a little odd. Wildwing, did you scan him with the Mask?

WILDWING: No, I didn't think I had to! He seemed legit from the beginning.

PHIL: Yeah, a real gent! He wasn't even gonna' charge me for using the hotel tonight for the auction!

MALLORY: (cycically) That should've been _enough _reason to doubt him...

DUKE: You think it could've been the Chameleon?

NOSEDIVE: (directly at the camera) Now, I just _know _you guys were waiting for one of us to ask that!

WILDWING: It could've been. Let's just hope we don't run into any trouble at tonight's charity auction.

TANYA: Duh, yeah! Speaking of which, shouldn't we, ya know, go home and change? I still gotta do my hair, heh heh.

The ducks begin to exit the hotel.

DUKE: I hear ya, Sweetheart. I can't show my mug at a star-studded event lookin' like this!

NOSEDIVE: Aw Buddy-Boy, don't be too hard on yourself! I think you look just _fine_! (nudging MALLORY) Wouldn't ya say so, _Mal-Wee_?

MALLORY whacks him on the head.

CUT TO BLACK.

7Interior - The Raptor

THE CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH, are gathered around DRAGAUNUS' kingly throne.

DRAGAUNUS: I am very pleased with your work, Chameleon. _Oddly _pleased.

CHAMELEON: Eh, it was nothin' boss. Before you know it, that fancy shmancy hotel is gonna be cloaked in the Raptor and _you're _gonna have those ducks, along with Hollywood's A-list, as your dinna' guests! (morphs into Martha Stewart) And that's a _good thing_!

DRAGAUNUS: (scratching his chin) Yes, yes... a _very _good thing. 

"MARTHA", SEIGE, and WRAITH nod and smile at one another, pleased at their boss' praise.

DRAGAUNUS: Now, I just need one more thing...

CHAMELEON: Aw, not another heist, Boss! (in Martha's tone) I was planning on working on my decoupage tonight!

DRAGAUNUS: You are my shorter, quirky sidekicks for a reason- now, do as I say! (pounds his fist on the arm of his throne)

CHAMELEON: OK, OK! Don't get your boxers in a knot! (in Martha's tone) Wrinkles are _impossible _to get rid of these days... (morphs back into the CHAMELEON)

DRAGAUNUS calls them closer and he begins to tell them his second plan.

FADES TO BLACK.

8Exterior - Arrowhead Pond

CUT TO a quick exterior shot of the Pond, then to the interior, a long shot of one of the facility's main hallways.

NOSEDIVE: (off-screen) Hurry up in there, Mal, some of us need to beautify ourselves too, ya know?

NOSEDIVE impatiently waits in his bathrobe outside of the Pond's main bathroom.

MALLORY: (off-screen) Hold your horses! 

NOSEDIVE: (waving his hand before his beak) Whew, hold the _Chanel No. 5_, Girly-Girl. (directly to the camera) You'd think that six alien hockey-playing Ducks would be able to afford another bathroom, huh?

Enter TANYA, as well in a bathrobe.

TANYA: Who's using the bathroom!? I gotta go in there and, ya know, shampoo and condition and mousse and all that good stuff.

NOSEDIVE: Not so fast, Chick-a-Dee! Your Herbal Essences moment is gonna' have to wait- the Divester's been here for (speaks louder) _thirty minutes _waiting for Mallory to get out!

TANYA: Doh! But I gotta shower and get ready too! Heh, it's a girl thing.

NOSEDIVE: Well, _this _girl (signalling MALLORY) has been in there long enough to have her feathers prune up! (mumbles) Just because _we _aren't lookin' to impress anyone tonight doesn't mean she has to hog the shower...

TANYA: (eyes open widely) Impress someone? Mallory? Wha-?

NOSEDIVE reclines on the bathroom door, arms crossed along with his expression.

NOSEDIVE: Yeah, she's apparently all hot and heavy for Duke. (rolls his eyes) Psh. Is that a joke or what?

TANYA: (dumbfounded) Duh, you're kidding right?

NOSEDIVE: Negative, Girly-Girl. (looks around to make sure no one is listening) I was under her bed looking for stuff for the auction, and my keen senses came across an extremely valid piece of evidence of ol' Mallory's _feminine urges_. (smirks proudly)

TANYA: Uh, she has some?

NOSEDIVE: Looks like so!

TANYA: What'd you find?

NOSEDIVE: Oh, many things. Among them a _very _crafty, bubble-letter and sticker-laden, genuine Duke L'Orange _boy book_- courtesy of the Mallster's raging hormones.

TANYA: Buh- _boy book_!? _Mallory_!? About (stutters) _Duke_!?

NOSEDIVE: Correctamundo, Tanya.

TANYA: B-but she hates Duke! She thinks he's nothing but a smooth-talking, womanizing _thief_!

NOSEDIVE: Well, she apparently thinks he's a smooth-talking, womanizing theif with a "cute butt."

TANYA: Gee, that makes all the difference. (rolls eyes)

NOSEDIVE: But listen Tawny, you gotta keep this on the downlow, OK? If word of this little crush gets out in the open, Mallory's gonna have my tailfeathers toasted! And not to mention cause severe harm to my beloved Nana in Puckworld...

TANYA: Heh, heh but this is too hilarious to keep inside! Mal and Duke! Hah!

NOSEDIVE: Tanya, come on, you have to promise! Mal will-

MALLORY opens the bathroom door, sending NOSEDIVE towards the ground with a loud thump.

MALLORY: Mal will what?

NOSEDIVE: Mal will...Mal will... come out of the shower looking as _bootylicious _as always, Girly-Girl!

MALLORY: (smirks) Nice save. (acknowledges TANYA) Hey Tanya.

TANYA: Hey Mallory! 

MALLORY: Bathroom's free.

MALLORY exits.

TANYA: Thanks! 

TANYA enters the bathroom, literally walking over NOSEDIVE.

NOSEDIVE: Hey! What the-!? (pounds on the door) No fair Tanya, I was in line first!

TANYA peeks out.

TANYA: Ladies first. (slams the door)

NOSEDIVE makes a face of disgust at the camera.

CUT TO BLACK

9Interior - Arrowhead Pond's Garage

CUT TO WILDWING, GRIN, and DUKE L'ORANGE, dressed in their formalwear, gathered around the charity items.

WILDWING: I can't believe that Phil hasn't sent for the items! The charity starts in an hour and everything's still here! Looks like we're gonna have to take it ourselves.

DUKE: Ey, what 'you lookin' at me for, eh? You expect _me _to carry the stuff we're auctioning off into _Beverly Hills_?

WILDWING: In a word: yes.

DUKE: Unbelievable. 

GRIN: Giving gives strength, Duke. (lifts a heavy box) And apparently hernias as well.

The three ensue to carry their items towards the Migrator.

DUKE: (mumbling) I bet Michael Jackson doesn't have to carry the signed gloves he donates- and he's from this planet! At least we think he is...

Enter MALLORY, NOSEDIVE, and TANYA in their evening-wear.

WILDWING: There you are.

DUKE: Well if it ain't Tony Orlando and Dawn! Lookin' good, guys.

GRIN: (bluntly) Now start packing.

NOSEDIVE: Whoa, whoa, and whoa. I am _not _ruining these totally-happenin' threads by carrying this old junk.

TANYA: Yeah, do you know how long it took me to blow-dry?

MALLORY looks around apprehensively in search of the infamous box containing the infamous secret.

WILDWING: Dive, none of us want to get our clothes dirty, but we-

MALLORY meddles into the conversation.

MALLORY: But Nosedive looks so...so good!

NOSEDIVE: (flabbergasted) Huh...?

MALLORY: (falsely) Yeah! Wing, have you ever seen your baby brother clean up this good? I doubt you'd want to ruin such a moment.

WILDWING: Well, I know but-

MALLORY: Great! Dive, can you come with me and show me how you did that thing with your hair? (tugging at his arm)

NOSEDIVE: (still surprised) What thing? Huh!?

MALLORY: That _thing _with your hair! (signaling behind a wall)

NOSEDIVE: Oh, _that _thing! 'BRB guys!

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE exit.

DUKE: What was that all about?  
  
TANYA: Deh, wouldn't _you _like to know.

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE whisper behind the garage barrage.

MALLORY: We can't let them find my box! Do you remember where you put it!?

NOSEDIVE: No! Drake-One went off and I just tossed it to the side!

MALLORY: Aurgh! Nosedive, you idiot!  


NOSEDIVE: Don't "Nosedive, you idiot" me, Mal! You're the one who ordered lover-boy and I to storm outta' here when the alarm sounded!

MALLORY: Forget it! (eyeing the others) Our prime directive is to find it now. If that box gets into the wrong hands, I might as well drop myself from the face of the planet.

NOSEDIVE: I wouldn't say that, Mal, we did it once and look what happened.

MALLORY: Oh, shut up.

NOSEDIVE: You shut up!

MALLORY: Yeah right, you shu- forget it. Let's just go find the damn box... and hope someone doesn't bid on my sad display of salacious desires...

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE return towards the others and begin to hunt around for the box.

Enter a scrawny, short man with a whistle in his voice.

DELIVERY MAN: You fellas' know where I could find the, uh, "Mighty Ducks?"

CLOSE-UP on the team, showing him what the obvious answer to the question is.

NOSEDIVE: (sarcasically) Try the Barnes and Nobles down the street.

WILDWING: Um, _we're _the Mighty Ducks. Can I help you?

DELIVERY MAN: Yeah, Sonny, I'm supposed to pick up the items for the big charity ball down in Beverly Hills. Would they be here?

The ducks look around at the surrounded boxes.

DUKE: (muttering) Old geezer's not too perceptive, eh?

WILDWING: You're looking at them! All of these are going to the Beverly Hills Resort and Casino.

TANYA: In Beverly Hills!

DELIVERY MAN: (whistles) That's some fancy shindig! Is that why y'all are so dressed up?

NOSEDIVE: (sarcastically) Nah, we always dress like this.

DELIVERY MAN: (laughs and wheezes) Ha ha! You've got a sense of humour, there, Sonny! Whew! 'Haven't laughed that hard since I watched a _Facts of Life _rerun- now, go on, go on! (urges them towards the Migrator) Don't worry about these items, they'll arrive there before you know it! You kids just go and have some good old-fashioned, clean fun! Hyuck!

The MIGHTY DUCKS begin to enter the Migrator and MALLORY keeps her eye on the old man as he begins packing the items into his beat-up pick-up truck.

DUKE: You OK, Sweetheart? (places his hands on her shoulders from behind)

MALLORY: (startled) Oh! Yeah, yeah- why do you ask?

DUKE: Heh, you're standin' on my feet.

MALLORY: (embarassed) Sorry.

DUKE: No problem.

MALLORY continues her watch on the old man until she notices him locating a hidden purple box. She gasps and races toward him, NOSEDIVE follows in suit.

MALLORY: That's not for the charity! (seizes the box from his hold)

DELIVERY MAN: Well my stars, I'm sorry Lil' Lady!

MALLORY: Heh, it's OK, no hard feelings. (mumbles to herself) Thank you, thank you, thank you...

NOSEDIVE: It's uh, something she's had since she was a kid. _Very _special.

MALLORY nods.

DELIVERY MAN: Oh! I see... (an odd suspicious look appears on his face; MALLORY and NOSEDIVE cease to notice) Well, uh, how about I take this off your hands kids and put it right over here, safe and sound. You two go on with your fun and hob-nobbin'! 

NOSEDIVE: Cooella! Thanks, Bro!

MALLORY: Yeah, thanks. Let's go, Dive.

WILDWING: (off-screen) Nosedive, Mallory, let's go!

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE exit towards the Migrator, MALLORY keeping a keen eye on the delivery man.

DELIVERY MAN: No problem, kids! (voice breaks into the CHAMELEON'S) No problem at all...heh, heh, heh. 

CUT TO BLACK.

10Interior - The Beverly Hills Resort and Casino lobby

The MIGHTY DUCKS arrive at the hotel, entering the, dark trendy banquet hall to find themselves in the presence of Hollywood's elite- or close to it. Upbeat dance music plays in the background in the fashion runway-like setting as the town's finest grind on the dance floor. Or something to that effect.

NOSEDIVE: (starstruck) Cooella! I can _definitely_ get used to this!

WILDWING: (scanning the place with the Mask) Wow, this is some event!

TANYA: Do you have to wear that mask everywhere you go, Wildwing!? It's so, y'know, 1996!

NOSEDIVE: Yeah Bro- _totally_! And it really clashes with your tux.

DUKE: (impressed) Ey, this is one classy joint; every big star in Hollywood must be here! 'Wonder if _J. Lo _is in the house...

Enter PHIL wearing a usually loud bowtie and holding a glass of champagne.

PHIL: Babes!

WILDWING: (to NOSEDIVE and TANYA) And _I'm _clashing?

PHIL: There you are- I've been waiting for ya! What do you think of our little suaree, eh? Not too shabby! (smirks)

NOSEDIVE: I've gotta hand it to ya', Phil-meister, this _partay _kicking some serious _bootay_! The cheeseballs aren't bad either. (pops a cheeseball into his mouth)

MALLORY: Did our stuff arrive OK? That delivery man was a bit on the strange side- and not to mention obviously allergic to anti-perspirent.

PHIL: No worries, Boobie! He just got in a second ago and _all _your loot's behind that curtain. Now, the big show doesn't start til' 9 or so, so _waddle _around and mingle- go on! (thrusts them over to where most of the action is) 

The team examines the room to see where to trek off.

WILDWING: I'm gonna scope out the place- and maybe get a few autographs.

NOSEDIVE: (sarcastically) You're a one-man party, Big Bro.

TANYA: Oooh, autograph hunting sounds good- count me in! Heh, heh I think I spotted David Duchovny by the mens' room! (runs off in the opposite direction)

DUKE: Ey, Grin, I think there's a caviar booth right over there with our names on it!

GRIN: (eyes open widely) Indeed. Let's hope they have some chardonnay to accompany it.

DUKE: (to NOSEDIVE and MALLORY) You kids want any?  
  
MALLORY: No, thanks Duke. 

NOSEDIVE: We're ok, Bro, dancin' the night away! (does the cabbage patch as the other three eye him strangely)

DUKE: Whatever floats your boat, Kid. Let's go, Grin. 

DUKE and GRIN exit.

MALLORY: Nosedive.

NOSEDIVE is oblivious to her call and keeps on dancing.

MALLORY: Nosedive!

NOSEDIVE: (singing along to the playing song) _Hey Mister DJ, put a record on, I wanna dance with my-_

MALLORY: (smacks the backside of his head) Nosedive!

NOSEDIVE: Ow! Hey! What gives, Girly-Girl? I was smokin' there!

MALLORY: I wanna' go check our stuff before the auction starts and I want you to come with me.

NOSEDIVE: Whoa, why me? I'm not doing _your _dirty work, Girlfriend- uh uh. (crosses arms) And besides, we left your _beloved _box o'treasures back home, so take a chill pill.

MALLORY: I want to double check.

NOSEDIVE: (sighs) What's the big deal about people finding out you had the hots for Duke anyways? Workplace crushes happen all the time- it's only natural! Don't you watch _Ally McBeal_?

MALLORY: Nosedive, I don't know if you've caught on to the kinks of my character in the last...(counts) _five_ years, but I have a certain _image _and I'd like to maintain it. Could you _seriously _see me giggling and squealing over _Duke L'Orange_? (the two ducks look back at where DUKE is standing)

NOSEDIVE: Heh, no, but that's the surprise element of this story- duh.

MALLORY: Forget it, Dive- I'll work alone. (heads off towards the stage)

NOSEDIVE sees her walk away and slight guilt begins to sink in. He rolls his eyes and runs after her.

MALLORY: (smirks) Sucker.

NOSEDIVE: Yeah, yeah.

Enter DUKE and GRIN returning with loads of caviar.

DUKE: Ey, where are you two goin'? The party's just started!

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE are dumbstruck.

MALLORY: Uh-

NOSEDIVE: We are going to- whoa, Duke! (points) Look! It's the Sopranos!

DUKE drops his caviar.

DUKE: Where?

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE sneak off.

CUT TO NEXT SCENE.

11Interior - Backstage at the charity gala

CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH are hiding behind hanging tarps and barrages of the wide warehouse-like backstage, preparing the booby traps. The CHAMELEON holds a switch with lever.

CHAMELEON: Heh, heh, in just a few minutes, those foul fowls and half of Hollywood are gonna be ours!

WRAITH: Well, not technically _ours_, I'm sure Lord Dragaunus is going to want some portion of the deal.

CHAMELEON: (morphs into a teenager) Eh, whatever, dude.

SEIGE: (excitedly) I wonder if the boss will let us have our own TV show once we take over the city! I could see it now- _Sex and the Hostiley-Taken-Over City_! "Three swingin', single Saurians out on the prowl for some dancin' and romanc-"

The three suddenly hear slight shuffling sounds coming from behind the tarps and the CHAMELEON signals them to be quiet.

CHAMELEON: Did you guys hear that?

WRAITH: Amidst the sounds of "Ooh, ooh, ooh-ing" on the dance floor? Yes.

CHAMELEON: Let's get outta here before someone catches on to us!

CHAMELEON presses a button on the gateway generator and transports himself, SEIGE, and WRAITH to the Raptor.

Enter MALLORY and NOSEDIVE.

MALLORY: (carefully inspecting the area) Now Nosedive, if you find the box, just pick it up and toss it into the Migrator, got it?

NOSEDIVE: Roger, Girly-Girl!

The image of MALLORY and NOSEDIVE backstage transcends to a gridded blackscreen. The camera focuses outward and the interior of the Raptor comes into view.

The CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH are reporting to DRAGAUNUS the results of their mission.

CHAMELEON: (proudly) Another job finished and done with, Boss! I even planted a homing device. (morphs into George Jetson) _I really think I'm due for a raise, Mista' Spacely._

DRAGAUNUS: In time, Chameleon, in time.

CHAMELEON morphs back to his original form, disappointed look on his face.

DRAGAUNUS: Did they suspect anything?  
  
CHAMELEON: Not a thing! (morphs into the old delivery man) _I did a pretty fine job, if I say so mah'self, Sonny. Hyuck!_

DRAGAUNUS: Good, good... (closely inspecting the screen) These two look as if they're crucially looking for something. Do you know what it could be?

SEIGE: The remains of Jimmy Hoffa?  


WRAITH: The meaning of life?  
  
CHAMELEON: Egh! Wrong! I think they just _might _be lookin' for this! (takes out Mallory's dreaded purple box) Apparently it was very important that this didn't make it to the auction.

DRAGAUNUS: What is it?

CHAMELEON morphs into a haughty antiques appraiser.

CHAMELEON: (evaluates) _Well, going by it's rectangular shape and distinctive period marks, I'd say it was...a box. _(morphs back into the CHAMELEON) 

DRAGAUNUS: I can see that, you nitwit! But what do you think they want with it?

CHAMELEON: I dunno, Boss, let's open it! (attempts to open it but the lock secures it) 

DRAGAUNUS snatches the box from the CHAMELEON'S hands and gives it a shot.

DRAGAUNUS: Give me the box, fool! Let an expert handle this. (inserts a claw into lock and attemps to pick it; the box refuses to open; turns the knob in an attempt to uncover the combination; again, the box remains locked) Blasted box! Hmm, (shakes the box) there's apparently something in here. I wonder if the Ducks are using this little container to house some type of secret weapon?

CHAMELEON: Ohhhh, so ya think the Ducks are tryin' to outsmart us by plantin' some booby trap in that box? Good tie-in boss, good tie-in!

WRAITH: You salvaged this story from becoming conflict-less. Bravo.

DRAGAUNUS: (smirks) It was nothing. Now, all we have to do is make those abhorrent waterfowl tell us the combination.

CHAMELEON: How are you gonna' do that, Boss? They won't even tell us wear they buy those spandex suits!

DRAGAUNUS: (evil grin) A little _coaxing _has never failed me. (catches a glimpse of the action that's occuring; eyes open widely) And right about now is the perfect time to let the coaxing begin, I'd say so. 

CHAMELEON: I say we hit 'em with the big one!

SEIGE and WRAITH nod like starving dogs.

CLOSE-UP on DRAGAUNUS' evil grin.

CUT TO NEXT SCENE.

12Interior - Backstage at the charity gala

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE continue hunting for the box.

MALLORY: (relieved) Well, I can't seem to find it anywhere.

NOSEDIVE: (across the room) Same here, Mal. (lifts an old retainer) But I did find out Tanya has some warped definition of "charity." (shudders and tosses it back)

MALLORY: (looking at NOSEDIVE) I guess the delivery man _wasn't _bogus.

Enter CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH.

CHAMELEON: I wouldn't say that.

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE dramatically turn and gasp.

CUT TO NEXT SCENE.

13Interior - Charity gala

The MIGHTY DUCKS (sans MALLORY and NOSEDIVE) are seated with PHIL at their table near the stagefront.

DUKE: I gotta hand it to ya', Phil- you truly outdid yourself on this thing. (reclines) 'Party suits me to a tee!

TANYA: Oh, brother.

PHIL: Hey, nothing's too good for my monkey-makers- er, _friends_! And you know know how I just love to help the unfornutate.

DUKE: (looks around) Ey, speakin' of which, isn't the show about to start? Where are Mal and Nosedive?

WILDWING: (looks around) I don't know. Phil, do you know where they went?  


PHIL: No, but if they know what's good for them, they'd plant their feathered cabooses right in those chairs! I can't have my stars absent at their big charity event! I'll loose thousands!

The team scowls at PHIL.

WILDWING: _You'll _lose thousands, Phil?

TANYA: Yeah, I thought you said all the proceeds of this charity auction were going to, ya know, a _charity_!

PHIL: Uh, they are!

The teams glare becomes more eminent.

PHIL: (quickly) ...with a very miniscule portion donated to Pomfeather Productions.

Entire TEAM: (simultaneously) _What_!?

DUKE: _How "_miniscule?"

PHIL: (meekly) _Forty-five percent_.

WILDWING: Forty-five percent!? Phil, that's nearly half the proceeds!

TANYA: Yeah, how could you be so heartless? Psh.

PHIL: "Heartless?" _Me_? I am truly insulted, you guys! I agreed to accept the earnings all in your favor- my adored, darling team. (falsely places hands over his heart)  
  
DUKE: That bull is worth about as much as your bow-tie, Phil. What _were _you gonna use the money for anyways, eh? Our exploitation?

PHIL: Hey now, a line of "Mighty Ducks Flavored Lip Balm" is _not _exploitation! It's a protective health measure against lip chaffing!

TANYA: Well, at least its' not "Mighty Ducks Flavored-"

TANYA is interrupted by a loud thud and a glaring light from behind the curtains.

TANYA: (cont.) Whoa! What was _that_!?

DUKE: I dunno, Sweetheart, but it sounds like trouble!

WILDWING: OK Team, in your battle-gear! (directly at PHIL) We'll deal with _you _later.

The DUCKS race towards the stage as the entire room is filled with anxiety and commotion.

DUKE: Now, don't worry, folks! This is a routine assignment. Heh, at least in our line of work.

WILDWING carefully approaches the curtains, pulling down the chord to reveal MALLORY and NOSEDIVE rope-tied by the CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH. The audience gasps.

NOSEDIVE: (yelling) Stand back, Bro! These guys mean _business_! As if you don't already know...

MALLORY: (staring blankly at the shocked crowd) This is so embarassing...

NOSEDIVE: Relax Mal, I'm sure _Duke's _getting a kick out of seeing you tied-up like this.

MALLORY attempts to whack him before the binds of the ropes remind her she can't.

NOSEDIVE: Eh, eh, eh- we're tied remember.

WILDWING: Let 'em go, Bug Breath!

SEIGE: Not in your life! These two stinkin' ducks are property of Dragaunus now!

CHAMELEON: And in a second, you'll all be chattels of da' boss himself as well! Yeah, you too J. Lo!

DUKE: I don't think so, Pal! (draws out his saber)

WILDWING, TANYA, and GRIN act in a similar manner taking out their weapons. WILDWING launches the puckblaster (I don't care if that's not the weapon he used, it's late and I'm out of ideas- capice?), TANYA zaps them with her Omni-tool, and GRIN manages to settle the CHAMELEON with his most powerful weapon- his fist.

CHAMELEON: (zonked out) I think boss is only going to have two ducks for dinner tonight. (falls flat on the floor)

SEIGE panics for a second before transporting CHAMELEON, MALLORY, and NOSEDIVE back into the Raptor.

SEIGE: You Ducks may have a few minor B-rated celebrities, but we have your teammates and _the box_! Ha ha! (disappears)

The reception hall is in shambles with everyone in sheer panic. 

PHIL: My charity! No, no, no! My beautiful, profitable charity! It's ruined! 

WILDWING: Shut up, Phil. We have a bigger matter in our hands than your wallet.

DUKE: We have to get Mallory and Nosedive! Who knows what Dragaunus'll do to those two kids.

TANYA: Yeah! But what was that "box" he was referring to? I don't remember anything about a box!

WILDWING: Maybe he meant one of the boxes of donated items?

DUKE: But why would those over-stuffed iguanas want any of that junk?

WILDWING: Who knows? But first we have to find Mal and Dive. Tanya, can you bring the radar up to locate the Raptor.

TANYA: On it, Wildwing! (pushes switch on the side of her Omni-Tool) They are... _here_!? And there! How could they be in two places? Oh, there must be something wrong with this darn thing!

WILDWING: Let me see that! (inspects the Omni-tool) It says they're in downtown Anaheim and...here at the hotel. This episode is getting too strange- and not to mention _long_. Duke, Tanya- you stay here and run a check on the place, make sure there isn't any trouble. Grin and I will check out the action downtown.

DUKE: Gotcha', Wildwing. Let's go, Sweetheart! (races off)

TANYA: Doh! I'm _not _you're, Sweetheart! (races off behind DUKE)

FLYING PUCK SWERVES INTO THE FOLLOWING SCENE.

13Interior - the Raptor

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE are lying face down in an empty cell, the red heat and glare of the Raptor shining on them through the green laser bars. The both begin to come around.

MALLORY: (narrowing her eyes) Where are we?  
  
NOSEDIVE: Well, it ain't Beverly Hills, Babe, that's for sure.

MALLORY: It's the Raptor! (rolls over and sits upright, her back leaning against the wall) We've gotten ourselves deep this time.

NOSEDIVE: (rolls over) No kidding, Girlfriend. I haven't been this uncomfortable since Grin mistook me for his punching bag.

MALLORY: (rolls her eyes) _Must _everything be a joke to you?

NOSEDIVE: (makes face) _Yes_. My humble apology for not being as sophisticated and matureas _Duke_.

MALLORY: Would you please quit with all the Duke comments!? You're never gonna' let me live that down! It's not like _you've _never been attracted to anyone you worked with.

NOSEDIVE: (carelessly) Psh, yeah _right_. 

Enter DRAGAUNUS.

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE freeze.

DRAGAUNUS: Well, well, well... if it isn't my loyal dinner guests. Tell me, do you prefer red wine or white wine with your ultimate _doom_?

NOSEDIVE: You're never gonna get us, Dragaunus! My bro and the others are gonna come stormin' in through that door any minute now and _clobber _you with their kickin' ninja moves!

DRAGAUNUS casually turns around and all three face the door; no action occurs for a few seconds.

NOSEDIVE: 'Give him another minute, Wing's never been too punctual. In fact, back in his senior prom- this is a _mad _funny story- he forgot to-

DRAGAUNUS: (roaring) Quiet!

MALLORY and NOSEDIVE are taken aback.

DRAGANUS: Now, are you two fashion-forward ducks going to cooperate with me or not?

NOSEDIVE: Never!  


MALLORY: Dive, shut up!

DRAGAUNUS: What's in the box?

NOSEDIVE: Man, what _box _do you guys keep talkin' about?

DRAGAUNUS: Not going to cooperate, eh?

MALLORY: Listen, we don't know what box you're talking about! There must be a misunderstanding!

NOSEDIVE: (directly to the camera) This is _all _just turnin' into one big episode of _Three's Company_, isn't it?

DRAGAUNUS: Fine, since you are not willing to oblige, I will just have to resort to my "secret weapon."

NOSEDIVE: Oh, boy. (panicking) Kids, cover your eyes!

DRAGAUNUS walks to the side of the room, pressing a button which, in turn, opens a panel full panel of controls and switches.

DRAGAUNUS: (contemplating which control to use; speaking to himself) Surround sound? No. Death by chocolate? No. Tar and de-feather? Hmm...nah. Ah-ha! (pulls lever which begins to lower the ceiling on MALLORY and NOSEDIVE)

NOSEDIVE: Uh, haven't we had this form of torture before?

MALLORY: Author's tired.

NOSEDIVE: Ah.

DRAGAUNUS: You have fifteen minutes to tell me what's in the box and how to open it! (directly to camera) And you, Ms. Author, you have fifteen minutes to finish this tremendously long script! I have an appointment with my dermatologist- my skin's been extremely dry lately.

CUT TO NEXT SCENE

14Interior - The Migrator

DUKE and TANYA are scowering the backstage area of the gala. The police has now cleared the crowds away and left the two Ducks to inspect the area. It is apparent that the two have been looking around for sometime and DUKE is getting restless; he notices a full length mirror and begins to fix his hair.

DUKE: (talking to himself as he proudly inspects himself) You betta' kiss heaven good-bye, cause baby, it's has _got _to be a sin to look this good...

TANYA, inspecting the ground with her Omni-tool andunbeknownst to her that DUKE is there, bumps into DUKE.

TANYA: Umpt- could you watch it!? You can poke an eye out with that thing!

DUKE: Ey, a guy's gotta look his best. And you're not exactly one to be talkin' about dangerous 'do's, Sweetheart.

TANYA scowls at him.

TANYA: Well y'know, it's pretty difficult to be scanning the place with your little styling session goin' on here.

DUKE: Ey, I got bored, OK? Wildwing and Grin are out there savin' the world while you and I are just walkin' around in circles here.

TANYA: Do you have any better suggestions? 'Cause if you do, could you just, ya know, let me know? Walking on these heels isn't exactly a day at the beach.

DUKE: Eh...(thinks for a moment) no.

TANYA: Doh! You're implausa- improba-

DUKE: (teasing) You can do it, Tawny.

TANYA: Impossible! 

DUKE falls back and holds his stomach in laughter.

TANYA rolls her eyes.

TANYA: (indirectly) I have no idea _what _Mallory sees in you.

DUKE'S eyes open widely as he sits erectly.

DUKE: What did you say?

TANYA suddenly realizes she wasn't supposed to spill the beans.

TANYA: Duh, nevermind! 

DUKE: Tanya!

TANYA: (turns to DUKE) Duh-uh, I said Mallory thought she saw _fleas _in ya.

DUKE scowls at TANYA.

DUKE: Tanya...

TANYA: Doh, please don't make me say! You're really not supposed to, um, ya know, know.

DUKE: Know what? Tanya, you're killin' me here, you gotta let me know! Mal said something about me?

TANYA nods.

DUKE: Mal has the hots for me!?

TANYA nods.

DUKE breaks into an evil cackle.

DUKE: Hah! This is beautiful!

TANYA: Hard to believe, huh?  
  
DUKE: (laughter breaks; insulted) Ey, I wouldn't say so! It's perfectly _normal _for a girl like Mallory to _lust _after a handsome, _mature_-

TANYA: Heh, you mean _old_.

DUKE: More _mature_, duck as myself. 

TANYA: Old.

DUKE glowers at TANYA who continues peering through the premises.

DUKE: (unable to concentrate) So, uh, how'd you find out about Mal-Mal's little infatuation with the Duke...?

TANYA: Nosedive found out. But you can't say a single word of this to anyone else, ok? Poor Mallory would be crushed! (mumbles) And not to mention embarassed.

DUKE: Ey, you won't hear a peep out of me! (rummages through the boxes; chuckles to himself) Heh, Mallory and the Duke- never in a million years, eh?

  
TANYA: I'd say.

DUKE: So, I guess she'd always call me a "theif" because I stole her heart, eh?

TANYA: Uh, you keep telling yourself that, Duke. (eyes a strange looking mechanical contraption) Bingo! I think we got something!

DUKE: Finally! (peers behind her) What is it, Sweetheart?

TANYA: (closely examines it with the Omni-tool) Apparently, Dragaunus and his goons tried to booby trap this place! They were gonna transport us all into the Raptor!

DUKE: Heh, just couldn't take not bein' invited, eh?

TANYA: Looks like it! Let me just... (begins tinkering with it) Slight tug there, pull here, and presto! Heh, Dragaunus' obviously-amateur trap here is out-of-business!

DUKE: Beautiful, Tanya!

TANYA: (blushing) Heh, I know. Now, let's get outta' here!

CUT TO NEXT SCENE.

15Interior - Raptor

The sinking ceiling is now only inches away from MALLORY and NOSEDIVE and DRAGAUNUS paces around the room waiting for them to confess.

NOSEDIVE: Now, I remember! It was Phil's wacked-out ex-girlfriend who did this to us last!

MALLORY: Oh, right! You know, I always forget about that episode!

DRAGAUNUS: I'm very glad the two of you have taken this _rigid _opportunity to bond with one another, but let me advise you, in a few minutes, your down-filled bodies are going to be cement pancakes if you don't tell me the combination to that box!

Enter WILDWING, DUKE, TANYA, and GRIN.

WILDWING: Not so fast, Lizard Lips. (points puckblaster at DRAGAUNUS)

NOSEDIVE: Woo-hoo, go Wingy! 'Told ya he had a punctuality issue.

DRAGAUNUS hurriedly presses his com button.

DRAGAUNUS: Seige, Chameleon, Wraith, get your sorry hind-quarters in here immediately!

WILDWING: 'Can't fight your own battles, Dragaunus? (shoots ninchuk pucks at him, tying him down to the floor in a similar position as NOSEDIVE and MALLORY)

MALLORY: Let's see how you like it!

TANYA, DUKE, and GRIN rush to help MALLORY and NOSEDIVE.

NOSEDIVE: (as TANYA cuts him out of the rope with the Omni-tool) Cooella! I owe ya, Tawnsters!

TANYA: (worriedly eyeing DUKE) Deh, don't mention it.

DUKE: (untying MALLORY from behind) You know, Sweetheart, ropes look pretty good on ya'.

MALLORY: (awkwardly smiles and blushes; rising) Uh, thanks Duke, I'll, uh, keep that in mind next time I shop at a dungeon.

Enter CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH; CHAMELEON holding MALLORY'S box.

CHAMELEON eyes DRAGAUNUS situation.

CHAMELEON: Tsk, tsk, you wouldn't survive without us, would ya, Boss?

DRAGAUNUS: Just untie me, you wretched fool!

MALLORY: (aiming her puckblaster) Not exactly. I'd say ropes look pretty good on him too, wouldn't you say, Duke? (fires ninchuk pucks at the CHAMELEON; he falls flat and allows the box to go flying in the air; MALLORY catches it like a football)

MALLORY: Touchdown.

NOSEDIVE follows in suit, knocking WRAITH to the floor.

WRAITH: My aura!

GRIN: No- _my _aura. (gives WRAITH one last pound)

WILDWING: 'Looks like you're last in command, Seige- and last to fall flat on your- (zaps SEIGE, flinging him over to land over the other three villains;)

NOSEDIVE: Toosh-O-Rama! (high-fives WILDWING)

TANYA: Duh, I think we got 'em all! (counts) Dragaunus...Chameleon... Seige...Wraith- yep, all of 'em!

DUKE: Quick! Maybe we can get the gateway generator from 'em and finally get outta' here!

NOSEDIVE: Dude- do you _seriously _think that's gonna happen in this episode?

DRAGAUNUS: (calling out from beneath his goons) You might have won this battle, Ducks, but you haven't seen the last of Lord Dragaunus! (transports himself, CHAMELEON, SEIGE, and WRAITH, along with the Raptor, out of their hideaway.)

The team finds themselves in an abandoned skyscraper.

DUKE: I guess that's a "no."

WILDWING: But at least we gained speed on them _this _time, (eyes MALLORY) _and _got "the box."

The team looks her way; MALLORY smiles sheepishly.

WILDWING: I'm not even gonna ask. Let's go home.

The ducks walk towards the Migrator.

NOSEDIVE: 'Safest move, Bro!

TANYA and DUKE shrug at one another; the team enters the MIGRATOR.

TANYA: (off-screen) Uh, did anyone notice we didn't play hockey in this episode?

CUT TO NEXT SCENE.

16Interior - the Arrowhead Pond

Later that evening, MALLORY walks down an empty hall of the Pond. DUKE watches from behind a wall and sprays banoca into his bill as she nears his perimeter.

Enter DUKE.

DUKE: Ey, Sweetheart, wait up!

MALLORY: (biting her lip and turning at her heel) Hey, Duke!

DUKE: (putting his hands in his pockets) Tonight was some night, eh?

MALLORY: I'll say! I'm just glad it's over- I deserve to crash for the night.

DUKE: Heh, heh, I know whatcha' mean. So, uh, mind if I ask what exactly _was _in that box? (evil expectant grin)

MALLORY'S eyes widen in speculation for a second, yet she never looses her collectivity. She confidently smiles.

MALLORY: Oh, just something dear, and sentimental, and _old_. Something that'll _never _come out of that box _again_. (smirks and boldly springs up towards DUKE, pecking him on the cheek) Case closed.

DUKE remains still, hand on his cheek and a startled expression on his face. MALLORY walks away, a smile on her face.

MALLORY: 'Night, Duke.

DUKE: (nodding, grinning, and turning the opposite way) Good night, Mal-Mal.

16Interior - Adjacent hallway

MALLORY stands before NOSEDIVE'S bunk and knocks fervently on his door. He groggily opens it, eyes widening and running his hands through his hair when he sees MALLORY.

MALLORY: I take it you were sleeping?  
  
NOSEDIVE: Gee, what gave it away? Come on in.

MALLORY enters, the automatic door closing in behind her.

MALLORY: I just wanted to apologize for treating you the way I did earlier. It was totally unfair.

She takes a seat on his un-made bed.

NOSEDIVE: Don't sweat it, Girly-Girl! (pounces on the bed beside her) I'm used to it.

MALLORY chuckles.

MALLORY: I was overreacting over a silly matter- a matter which is, by the way, permanently _closed_ to investigation, (shuffles his hair) and I was taking it out on you- and for that, I'm sorry.

NOSEDIVE blushes.

NOSEDIVE: Aw, it was no biggie, Girly-Girl. Like I said, I'm totally used to it from ya'!

MALLORY: OK then. Oh, but there is one more thing.

NOSEDIVE: Whazzat?

MALLORY reaches under his bed, her tongue sticking out from the corner of her bill; she excavates a beaten-up box of Nikes.

NOSEDIVE: Uh, Mal, what are you doing?

MALLORY: Well, it's only fair that I look through some of your personal belongings too, is it not?

NOSEDIVE: But Mal, come on! Please, I said I was- (reaches over)

MALLORY: (blocking) Uh, uh, uh! Fair play.

NOSEDIVE sighs.

With a hungry look in her eyes, MALLORY removes the lid off the shoe-box; a wider look of shock infuses in her face, more intense than any seen in this entire episode, as she sees what's inside.

MALLORY: What the-

What MALLORY revealed only shows that feelings are relative- and apparently, so are boy-books. Or in NOSEDIVE'S case, girl-books; _Mallory_-books to be exact.

NOSEDIVE answers MALLORY'S expression of shock with a toothy grin.

CUT TO BLACK.

THE END.

Disney's Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series and all its characters are property of Disney, all rights reserved. 


End file.
